Forever damaged
by Silverblacktears
Summary: What if there was something buried very deep inside of you that you could do nothing against? Something that you would have to live with? Follow up to Shattered Soul
1. The Devil you thought you knew

Title: Forever Damaged 

Author: Pilotslover What if there was something buried very deep inside of you that you could do nothing against? Something that you would have to live with? (Follow up to Shattered Soul)

Note: Hello again everyone! PL here and after a far too long time, I am back with the sequel to Shattered Soul. As with Shattered it deals with some hard issues.

Also, as you may know, it has recently been decreed that fanfic writers here cannot reply to their reviews over the site; so if you want me to respond, please leave an email addy in your review and I should get back to you.

This is a short chapter, as is the second but length fluctuates after that.

Chapter One: The Devil you thought you knew

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Silenced by Dagger's desperately cast spell, the Waltz threw himself bodily at his target; midnight blue wings tucked against himself to speed up his descent. Despite the damage he had done to the child already, he would not consider his job completed until she lay dead; Sarah coughed up blood as she knelt on all fours, blood staining through her clothing in places, shining burns making themselves clear on her pale skin.

Realising the beasts intention, Zidane threw himself towards Sarah, intercepting the blow by latching himself onto the erstwhile mage's legs as he struggled desperately; expecting the Waltz to be weaker then he was, Zidane was surprised to find himself in a near equal fight. A hand lashed at his face, talons boring three large cuts into his cheek, "Steiner, knock him out!" He yelled, spluttering the blood from his lips as he spoke.

The knights reaction was instantaneous, he smashed his sword hilt against the back of the struggling Waltzes head; the red that lingered there was driven back to neutral yellow before winking out completely. Dagger was at her daughter's side in seconds, hastily curing Sarah; the princess recovered quickly and backed away from the unconscious monster with a small yelp. "Steiner, Beatrix, lock him up; whatever you do don't let anyone take the silence status off him." Zidane commanded, disentangling himself from the Waltz; he was briefly tempted to deliver a kick in the creature's side, but remembering the past caused him to stop.

Between them, they managed to pick up the Waltzes limp form; carrying it towards the dungeon. "Ellisa says that Quina's going to take a little time, but s/he will be alright," Calan reported to Zidane, the knight of Pluto had witnessed everything but, the Genome realised had held back from the fighting. "I'll tell the others what happened; I won't let them down to see him yet."

"Good idea Calan,"

He moved to his wife and daughter as Calan ran to find his bothers, "How are you doing?" He asked them, ignoring the painful throbbing of his cheek. Sarah was crying into Garnet's lap as she wrapped her daughter in a hug.

"We'll do Zidane, you'd better get down to the dungeons," Garnet replied, her voice was tight with tears as she looked towards the mess on the floor; so many peoples blood had been spilt that day, from Zidane's to the naive Quina's. "You're going to want to make sure he's secure, we can't have a repeat of the past hour."

"Don't I know it? You two stick together," He stroked Sarah's hair and planted a kiss on the top of her head before kissing Garnet on the cheek. "I love you," He told her needlessly, they had been together long enough for it to not be necessary for him to tell her. With one final lingering look at the two, Zidane headed towards the dungeons.

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AN: To be continued. Obviously.


	2. Friendship forgotten

Title: Forever Damaged

Note: Sod it, response to reviewers.

madmaz - Forgiven? I'm glad you're reading and enjoying it!

Eika - Wait and see. Lol.

Gelendra - It's nice to be back, I shall email you eventually, promise.

Beastiewolf - yah! First reviewer! Hehe, (Looks at cake)

Chapter two: Friendship forgotten

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As Zidane entered the dungeon, he noticed Steiner and Beatrix standing outside one of the cells; both of them glaring at the contents with a mix of concern and utter disgust. He moved to their sides, they had thrown the Waltz onto the small bed in the cell, his wings folded at uncomfortable angles. They were all weary beyond the battle they had fought, each one baring the huge emotional weight that came from fighting someone they were very close to. "What the hell was that all about?" Zidane asked finally, not sure that either one would know the answer.

Steiner turned to him, the age lines by his eyes deepened, making him look even older then he was. "It would seem that ...Vivi's transformation into a Waltz has changed more then we at first appreciated." He offered, Zidane noticed that he had problems calling the Waltz by name and had dropped the honorific of Master when referring to him. Their prisoner shifted and fell of the bed with a thud, this worked to wake him up and he was soon on his feet, wings giving spasms in the same way that Black Waltz three's had done. Whilst his eyes had been driven back to yellow by Steiner's blow, they were now red again, narrowing as he spotted them.

His lightening fast slash at them was not fast enough as Beatrix hit his hand with the blunt of her sword. "You dare hurt us here and I'll cut your throat, I don't care who you were, who you are just tried to kill the Alexandrian royal family!" She snapped aggressively, levelling her sword in front of herself.

"Kuja programmed the other Waltzes to capture Garnet for Brahne," Zidane murmured thoughtfully, "The years Vivi's spent with us seems to have taught him why she wanted Garnet in the first place, what if he's just trying to complete what he was made for?" He caught the look that Beatrix shot him and raised both hands in his defence, "I'm not saying it's a good thing, just trying to explain why."

"Why now Zidane? Vivi had had years in which to do so, but he waits until we are at our strongest."

Zidane shook his head, "Vivi's been a Waltz for what? Three years?" There was a nod from Steiner, "He started acting up during that first year, just in little ways but when you look back at you can kind of see that he's been working up to something." Beatrix shot him another sceptical look, "Look, I'm not saying I understand it, I'll leave that to Nicara."

Like a caged beast, the Waltz had started to pace; flicking his wings in an aggravated fashion, fists clenched at his sides. Zidane turned his attention on him directly, blue eyes holding anger and hurt. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but if you go after my family again ... then I'll kill you!" He snapped angrily, finally letting the calm act he had so far been using melt away; this gained no response from the pacing waltz. "Did you hear me you gangly winged bastard!" There was a short pause before the Waltz rose his left hand in an obscene gesture; angrily, Zidane called forth an attack the let it fly towards the Waltz, who did not even flinch. "I've got plenty more where that came from, so don't piss with me!" His ramblings had very little effect on the Waltz, who pretended to yawn, showing that he was not scared of the threats.

Shaking his head out of sheer exasperation and anger, Zidane turned his back on Vivi, "I don't know if this is permanent, but for now we assume that it is; I want at least two guards down here on 12 hour shifts." He instructed with clear weariness to the way he spoke. "Warn them not to go near the cell, no matter what, they're not quite as fast as Beatrix. That silence spell stays there. Calan isn't to do it, he's a good knight but I certainly wouldn't want to be down here if I was him." Steiner nodded in understanding, "I'll send Haagen and one of the others down here so you can order the others."

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Preview: Things seem bleak but sometimes, who can be sure if they'll ever recover a friendship lost in a moment? Find out in Forever Damaged Chapter Three - Unavoidable Guilt. 


	3. Unavoidable Guilt

Title: Forever Damaged

Chapter 3 - Unavoidable Guilt

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to FFIX.

AN: A much longer chapter this time, hopefully answering a few questions. Lol.

Malevalla - Your wish is my command.

Eika - It is indeed. Hmm, Vivi is 21 at this point, Sarah is (Checks folder only to see it's the wrong one) 8. There are no more royal kids. And Vivi is very much innocent and friendly, just wait and see. (manic laughs)

Beastiewolf - You have it in one.

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A week later

Every echoing step on the stones caused the sick feeling to well higher and higher up his throat as he made his way into the dungeon; the two knights outside the cell snapped salutes but the Genome could tell that they were bored; a Tetra master deck was rested on the table between them. A shadow in the back of the cell behind them gave no sign of having heard; silken wings were the only recognisable tell that the prisoner was Vivi. He was all hunched up, completely hidden by the blocking dark blue expanse of his wings. "How long's he been like that?" The king queried of Laudo, his voice showing the worry and guilt that he felt; Laudo looked into the cell.

"He was there when I had duty four days ago, sir,"

Zidane moved directly to the cells barred door, "Vivi?" His question was laced with concern; the shadow moved its head but did nothing more then that. "Get me a quill and a couple of sheets of parchment," He instructed of the second knight, who responded to the order at once. "I'm going in, I want you to lock the door after me."

Laudo startled and looked to the king, "But Captain Steiner instructed me that no one was allowed entry, sir." He told Zidane, concerned eyes drifting towards Vivi; of all the knights of Pluto, Laudo was the most compassionate, he hated to see people alone especially when he knew that they were wounded.

"Yeah, well, who gave him his orders? He's different now Laudo," The Genome insisted; even as he looked at the hunched figure in the back corner of the dark cell, Zidane relived the horrors of the week before. An altered Trance state took had taken effect as the Waltz had grown angry; the traditional bluish purples and silvers corrupted by flickers of berserker red. Neutral, calm yellow ovals had transformed into predatory crimson slits, hunting down their prey; not even a flicker of remorse lighting his eyes as he had struck down a defenceless child.

Blood had been trickling from Sarah's nose, pooling onto a white shirt from wounds on her arms; vicious burns shone out from her pale skin. The silence spell cast by a desperate and distraught mother was nothing to the crazed and determined Waltz who had bodily thrown himself at his target. A knife wound made by a father started to slow the monster down who was destroying his family, a frantic lunge, claw marks made by a friend.

The jingle of keys caused Zidane to pull his hand away from his cheek but as he looked past the two knights, he saw this had no effect at all on Vivi. The Genome took the requested items with thanks, entering the cell that was locked behind him; no one was willing to take any chances despite how docile Vivi was being. It was damp and the corridors torch light seemed to be strangled by the musky air but Vivi seemed not to notice as he remained in his corner. "Hey Vivi," Zidane greeted as brightly as he could, gaining no response from his companion.

Now that he was in the cell, Zidane could see that only Vivi's left wing was wrapped around his narrow form, the right draped uselessly. "Look at me," This finally drew a response from Vivi, who shook his head, clearly not wanting to see the Genome yet. "I need to check your eyes," He admitted, hoping with all his heart that they were yellow again; something inside told him that the red-eyed version of the ordinarily docile Waltz would be trying to strangle him or some such.

Vivi's body moved in a sigh, he stood and shook out his left wing; Zidane noticed that blood stained the blues of his coat and wings in places, staining a large patch on his left side. Slowly, so as not to seem threatening, Vivi turned to face him with his hands out at his sides slightly; his eyes shone with yellow, showing more then a flicker of pain. A slight unseen smile seemed to light the Waltz's manner, "You're hurt, maybe I should fetch Ellisa," Vivi shook his head, "Oh wait," Zidane passed Vivi the quill, ink and parchment.

There was a nod of understanding from Vivi, who knelt next to the slat of wood that served as a bed and scribbled something on the parchment. 'I don't deserve to be healed,' Zidane stopped inspecting Vivi's wounded right wing to read what he had written.

Cautiously the Genome moved to sit on the bed next to where Vivi had his writing equipment. "So, you do remember what you did then?" He queried, hoping to access what Vivi remembered; his question drew a tense nod from the waltz.

'It's like watching a stranger on a rampage in your body from the inside,' He wrote, hands shaking visibly. 'I'm so sorry about everything, I didn't mean to … I don't know, I shouldn't have used my magic …' He pulled away from the sheet and moved to the corner he had been seated in before being violently ill. Zidane half rose before realising that Vivi would not want his comfort.

Someone bounded down the steps, "Zidane, I've worked it out!" Nicara's voice announced from the other side of the dungeons; before even Zidane could react, Vivi was at the front of the cell reaching for his son's hand. Nicara stood a few paces back from the cells door as he tried to ignore the desperate look in his father's large yellow eyes.

"It's okay Nic, he's not going to hurt you with us all here." Zidane reassured him softly, moving to stand directly at Vivi's side; he knew how devoted to his son's his friend was and was acutely aware of the fact that not seeing them for so long was a torture worse then any he or Garnet could devise. The young academic took very little persuading, quickly gripping at his fathers hand; the waltz clasped both of his hands around it, lowering his head forwards onto the bars. "What's wrong with him Nic?"

Hastily, Nicara brushed tears from his face with his free hand; being separated from their father was hard for the boys too and the sharp pain of guilt struck Zidane when he realised that he had been too busy at the castle to be there for them. "He's a berserker," He told them honestly, relieved to be able to count on pure facts again. "Berserkers have changed a lot over time, before there was magic there were people who tribe leaders fed special mushrooms to so that they could drive them into a special rage; they were sent in first and did the most damage but were hugely inaccurate, striking friend and foe alike. For a time berserker was a class but it quickly phased out because they could then only attack, every so often one has become clear again, however, it's incredibly rare and people often hold the belief that we only now have berserk as a status not a type of job class."

Vivi and Zidane held a look, both knew that if you gave Nicara some pure facts he had a tendency to ramble; Zidane shrugged slightly. "Berserk only works for physical attacks though Nic," The Genome pointed out. "Even for your dad, I've seen it in person."

"I'm getting to that," Nicara replied to Zidane's interruption. "Dad's never relied on physical attacks, with the exception of your scar perhaps," Vivi did a double take as he looked to Zidane, seeming to notice the scars on his friends cheek for the first time; questioningly, he jerked his head towards the Genome, both his hands clutching at the one Nicara offered. "He chose to leave it there, in the mistaken belief that it will increase the air of mystery about him." The academic sniped keenly, smiling at Zidane as the king looked to him. "Anyway, I'm fairly sure that the fact Dad uses magic whilst in his berserker state means that it is part of his programming."

He took a deep breath, "This means that it can't be removed, that it's buried in him far deeper then his magic is. But you can silence magic and suppress anger. The book has a potion of sorts, it lists more side effects then anything else but it's all I have right now. Ellisa's working on it for me; for now you've just got to try and stay calm." He smiled at his father when he realised how hopelessly difficult it would seem for Vivi whilst away from his sons and a more normal life.

Vivi drew his hands back, nodding in understanding; he tapped the point over his heart with one talon, motioning Nicara with the other hand. Tears leaked unbidden from his eyes and thoroughly embarrassed by his own weakness Vivi ducked his head. "Let him in," Zidane instructed of Laudo, who nodded and fumbled with the keys, his own eyes moist. "Come on Vivi, we'll back up until the cell is opened." The waltz nodded, moving away from the cells door. Nicara barged past the two guards, wrapping his father in a very tight hug as Vivi rubbed at his back and hugged him in return. Zidane smiled to himself slightly, "Nic, if you see the others tell them that they can stop by tomorrow."

The Waltz pulled away from Nicara hastily, quickly writing on the sheet of paper on the bed. 'I don't deserve to see them Zidane; not after all I did, how I've treated them recently.' With a small breath of laughter, Nicara rested a hand on his fathers arm, showing him that the boys did not care about this in the least. 'I don't want to hurt them.'

A grin was gifted to Vivi as Zidane folded his arms across his chest, outwardly he exuded an air of being relaxed but he appreciated how unpredictable Vivi was right now. "You haven't hurt Nic," The Genome pointed out simply. Nicara started to very gently stroke Vivi's left wing, clearly offering up a much need comfort; Zidane knew that no one save Vivi's sons and Ellisa would never dream of touching them. "The right one's broken isn't it?" He queried for something to say and Nicara nodded in reply, "How'd you manage that Vivi?"

Seeming to wake from some sort of sleep, Vivi shook his head and motioned the cell wall, pretending to ram it with one shoulder; clearly he had misjudged it in his rage and smashed the fragile wing bones against the hard solid rock of the wall. "I can't see dad letting it be healed by magic somehow," Vivi shook his head almost as soon as his son spoke, "Ellisa'll have to fix it manually." Between Ellisa and himself, Dr. Tot had passed on much of his amassed knowledge before his death a year before, this loss had temporarily knocked the wind from the castles sails but it was now returning to normal. Nicara had no interest at all in the medical side of things and so left it to Ellisa to deal with such issues when they arose.

"Your highness, I think it is best you both leave now; Captain Steiner and the replacement guard will be here shortly,"

"Thanks Laudo," Zidane replied to this information, he looked towards Vivi and then Nicara with a small sad smile. "Come on Nic," The academic nodded and Zidane headed for the door, back turned as he appreciated how personal this moment was. Nicara accepted one final hug from his father, before moving to the door; Vivi joined them, passing the writing things to Zidane. "Don't you want to hold onto this stuff?" The Genome queried but Vivi shook his head, knowingly running a finger along the point of the quill, Zidane nodded in reply because he knew how dangerous Vivi could potentially be. "I'll be back tomorrow," The king promised. Vivi who had moved to sit on the slat of wood, looked up and nodded in reply.

Standing outside the cell, Nicara watched as Laudo locked the door behind Zidane. "Dad," His soft uncertain voice drew his father eyes, "I love you." The tears that had threatened once already to overtake Vivi did so and he lowered his head into his hands and wept. Unable to see his father in tears, Nicara rushed up the dungeon steps before he did the same. A teary eyed Vivi looked up towards Zidane, jerking his head towards the steps; the Genome nodded in reply, appreciating that the Waltz had just asked him to watch over his sons whilst he was incarcerated.

The academic mage was sat about half way up the dungeon stairs, hugging himself tightly as he stopped sobbing; silently Zidane sat next to him. "When … he got angry, he'd just change." Nicara mumbled, he rubbed the tears from his face before looking towards Zidane. "He … He nearly hit Turo with a Firaga. He backhanded Val so hard that he fell over and started bleeding. It's not his fault, and we all know that." He snorted with a slight chuckle when he realised how naïve this sounded. "It seemed a little pathetic, we all knew something was wrong; that's why I found the answer so quickly."

He looked up towards Zidane with a smile, "They're going to be so glad to see him tomorrow," Nicara told him softly. "In there, today, it was like he was normal again; like he was before his wings grew." All of Vivi's sons wanted their father back, that much was clear from the way Nicara spoke; they all missed how Vivi had been in the past.

Nodding in reply, Zidane looked towards Nicara; he had noticed how grounded and subdued Vivi had seemed when they had been there and he did not want to entertain the idea of his behaviour being an act. Most of all, Vivi's tears seemed too emotional to be faked, he had strove to control them for a long time and yet broken at such a simply said statement. "Yeah Nic, I thought so to," He was glad that he had not been the only one to see the change in Vivi, it meant that he had not been desperate enough to imagine it.

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AN: An undeserved visit, a chance to see a loved one again - Chapter four - Sarah 


	4. Sarah

Forever Damaged

Chapter four: Sarah

AN:

madmaz - thank you very much.

Eika - Hehe, well you should know me better. Lol. If I can be mean, I will be!

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His heart feeling lighter then it had the day before, Zidane hummed to himself as he bounded down the steps into the dungeon; the two knights on duty snapped salutes as he appeared. Looking past the guards, Zidane grinned at Vivi who was sitting on the bench, swinging his legs absently; this was a definite improvement over the day before. "It's a good thing you spoke to Laudo yesterday sir," one of the knights told him with a smile. "He came back to the mess blubbering like a babe, hilarious in it's way but also kind of touching sir."

Haagen jerked his head towards Vivi, "He's seemed a lot better today sir, I'd forgotten that he was something other then a pair of wings of late. I think he tried to say thanks for breakfast even if he didn't keep it down, like usual." Despite how worried by this he was, Zidane smiled when Vivi shot Haagen a very hard look; he may well have been silenced but his hearing was fine. He grabbed the writing stuff from the day before, Haagen opened the door for him and Zidane nodded a quick thanks.

Vivi moved to kneel on the ground next to the bed, so that he could lean on it to write; Zidane passed him the writing equipment with a smile. "I'd do something about your clothes if I could it's … disgusting." Almost as soon as Vivi started to write, the genome realised what he was going to put.

'Nowhere as near as disgusting as the things I did, Zidane.'

Companionably, Zidane rested a hand on the waltz shoulder for a moment. "Your worse then the rest of us when you want to punish yourself. It wasn't your fault." He offered, knowing that Vivi had always been good at finding the fault in himself, this was just one ,ore reason for him to hate himself. "How are you feeling today?" Vivi shook his lowered head; not sure if this meant he felt bad or if it meant he didn't know, Zidane sighed. "Why do u keep being sick? I thought yesterday was the first time but Haagen said you've not kept a thing down." This drew no response from the waltz, "I'll guess then, your reliving it vividly and your sickened by what you did." The waltz nodded, his good wing folded around himself as the broken one drooped down his back. "I guess your always going to have to live with that, and it's…"

"Daddy are you down here?" Sarah's voice called, small footsteps taking the stairs two at a time as she jogged down the steps. There was a thud behind Zidane as Vivi lowered his head onto the bench, he was not certain he was ready to see her yet. "Hello Mr.Knight have you seen my dad?" The 8 year old asked of Haagen, who looked towards the cell.

"I'm in here, Sarah."

She turned to face the cell and Zidane moved to the door so she could see him; she looked passed him to the folded form of the godfather. "He looks all broken," she murmured, her eyes still on the wounded Waltz. "It was easy to hate him and be angry when he was all big and scary and his eyes were red but now… he just looks sad."

A proud smile met Zidane's face as he looked at his daughter, "Do you want to come in Sarah?" He queried, knowing that Sarah still adored her favourite uncle, and that he loved her in return. If she could find it in her heart to forgive him, despite how badly hurt she'd been, then anyone could.

Memories of his assault on Sarah corrupted the front of Vivi's brain as he listened to the young summoner talk; her tiny features had been stained by blood and tears as she looked at him with desperation and confusion in her eyes. He had enjoyed in, he had relished the look of fear in her eyes as he readied the spell that would kill her. Frantically, Vivi ducked his head and battled against the nausea that threatened to overtake him, scribbling something on a sheet of parchment.

Something hit Zidane in the back, he turned to look questioningly to Vivi; the Waltz did not look back, quite clearly trying to stop himself from being sick, head buried in his folded arms that were rested on the bed. Zidane reached down to pick up the note, reading it before turning the sheet around to show Sarah. 'I am so so sorry Sarah,'

Bravely, the little girl nodded but there was an obvious tremble in her lip as she fought against her fears; at only eight years old, she had had to face an awful ordeal that few people had to face. There had always been talk of what the heroes wanted for their children, and nobody wanted them to face the same things that they had on their adventure. "Alright Haagen, let the bravest princess in." Zidane instructed noticing the worried look that the knight flicked to Vivi; the Genome smiled at Haagen slightly. "It'll be okay, Vivi's not going to hurt her; I'll break his other wing myself if he tries it."

Vivi forced himself upright and moved to join Zidane, prodding his friend in the side playfully. "Okay, okay, I'm kidding, stop with the pointy. I'm not gonna touch your wing." This good humoured repartee did not have the desired effect as Sarah looked anywhere but at Vivi, the Waltz crouched to her level and seeing him do this, Zidane nodded in understanding. The Genome crouched to his daughters level next to Vivi, "Sarah, honey, please look up." The child did so, expecting to only see her father but to be greeted by both of them.

There was a small sad smile to the air as Vivi looked into Sarah's blue eyes, "Your all yellow again," The princess said in an awed voice, snaking a hand toward her Godfather's face as Zidane smiled proudly. Vivi crouched perfectly still, not wanting to scare Sarah or to force her into accepting that he was not going to hurt her. "I didn't think I'd ever see the yellow you ever again."

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AN: A step in the right direction, a faultering towards understanding. Will this continue? Find out in chapter 5 of Forever Damaged - Family 


	5. Family

Title: Forever Damaged

Chapter Five - Family

AN: Sorry this has been so long, I've been working on FFU fanfics a lot of late.

Response to reviewers:

madmaz - Sarah is cute. When she isn't acting like another young summoner we know ...

Gelendra - That's okay, it's good that I've given you another idea.

Malevalla - Ack! About the u instead of you ... my sister was bored and wanted to type something - this is why we do our own typing in the future. I apologise.

Eika - Hehe.

Beastiewolf - Sorry it's taken me so long. Gomen.

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There was a commotion on the stairs, Sarah pulled away from Vivi and ran up the stone steps. Vivi and Zidane shared a look and in that one moment they said more then they had vocally in a long time, they both stood; the Genome grinned and shrugged slightly, eyes on the stairwell as Vivi's eyes drifted that way too. "Ow Sarah," Valian's soft calm voice drifted down to them. "W - what are you doing down here?" Even as he spoke his voice grew nearer.

The six teenaged mages appeared, Sarah was clutching onto Valian's hand tightly, she adored Vivi's youngest son almost as much as she did the Waltz. "Alright Haagen, me and Vivi are going to back up, let them in." The Waltz had already moved back, not wanting to have to wait any longer to see his sons then he really had to, Zidane moved to join him.

With patience he was not really feeling, Vivi waited until Sarah was with Zidane before giving each of his sons a hug. Appreciating how embarrassing this would be for Calan, Sola and Turo, he made their hugs shorter, whilst Valian made sure that he got the longest hug, nestling his chin into his fathers shoulder. Pulling away the waltz moved to the small bed, sitting on the ground by his writing stuff.

Valian bit his lip, Zidane had taken him aside the night before and had told him how badly wounded the Waltz was; the young white mage had instantly agreed that Vivi could not yet be healed but seeing the patches of crimson on his fathers coat had been harder then he had expected. 'I'm sorry, I can't think of anything else to write,' Vivi wrote, making sure that all six read it. 'I've been an awful person and an even worse parent recently and there's no way I can make it up to you.'

"You're not a bad person," Calan insisted from where he stood by the cell's door, the knight felt strangely naked without the comfort of uniquely rune marked blade at his hip. He alone of all the boys had seen how determined Vivi had been to hurt people and had very easily submitted to Zidane's idea of leaving the sword outside whilst he visited. "You're just sick right now, and we all know that. Before all this happened, we were a secure family; an awful person would never have gone out of his way to celebrate birthdays with us."

"H - He's right, you've always been there for us, even after you starting acting differently." Valian's soft voice threw in, his crystal blue eyes lingering on Vivi's broken right wing, teeth gritted as his gaze drifted to his father's blood stained coat. All he really wanted was to speak to his father properly, to hear Vivi's voice again. "W - When Ellisa's made that stuff then you can come back home."

'Not for a while Val, I'm dangerous,'

"The tonic should repress your berserker tendencies," Nicara explained, "There are things that you have to be sure to do, casting daily for example to relieve all the tension that you build up in a day.

Vivi's eyes drifted across to Zidane and then to Sarah, he had been deeply touched by her earlier demonstration of trust but he knew that they still had a very long way to go, if their relationship ever recovered. Inside, he just wanted to give her a hug and tell her that everything was going to be alright, the least of the problems with this was Vivi's silence status; Sarah was very clearly scared of him, being outside the cell, with bars between them had been one thing but inside the cell the child had no defences save her father. 'What about Quina?' He wrote, 'I used firaga on him/her and …' He rose a hand to his mouth, before moving into the corner to throw up.

Valian looked anxiously towards Zidane, worry clear in his eyes; of all the child mages Valian was the only one not to have a trace of yellow in his eyes, yet they shone in their own way. The youngest of Vivi's sons went to comfort his father, but Zidane took a hold of his arm, shaking his head.

"Quina's okay Vivi," Zidane assured him, Vivi leant against the wall exhaustedly. "S/he knows you didn't want to hurt it, s/he certainly gave one of the knights hell for calling you a nasty name." Shakily, Vivi moved back to what he had written, turning it over without looking. "And before you even put that quill on the paper, no you didn't deserve it." Showing his usual levels of common sense, Calan moved to the cells door to request some water for his father.

He passed the canteen over to Vivi, who touched his arm quickly as way of thanks before drinking from it. Sola took a decisive step forwards, hand clenched into a fist at his side, "What the …" He reconsidered what he was going to say due to Sarah's presence. "What was that all about?"

The waltz looked into the eyes of his most magically powerful son for a moment, before lowering his head to the parchment again. 'It's alright Sola, it's not as bad as it was before.' He wrote, having always believed in being honest with his sons. 'It's my fault really,'

A secret look passed between Ollan and Zidane, the king nodded with a smile and the musical teen pulled a set of pipes from inside his coat. A familiar, long distant tune rang out from the pipes; the notes transported the two heroes twelve years into the past, to a tree protected by a sandstorm and a failed dance to strengthen it. Zidane started to tap his foot in time to the tune, and Vivi nodded his head slightly to it's timing, both remembered the song well.

When the 16 year old had finished, he looked towards his father for praise and Vivi went to speak, with a sigh he closed his eyes for a long time before locking eyes with Ollan and nodding. It was so insufficient, a relieved father should be able to tell his son how wonderful his music was. "When my music was gone, one of the Cleyra taught it to me," He admitted; just after Vivi had hit Valian, Ollan's music had vanished and the waltz was very relieved to see that he had it back.

Sarah's blue eyes went to Vivi, whose form sagged exhaustedly, making the princess aware of how tired and hurt he was. Vivi's left wing folded around himself as the damaged right one fell down his back in a feathered cascade. Turo moved into his direct side, brushing loose feathers from the waltzes left wing in an attempt to tidy them up. "I don't think I've seen these look so bad in a long time," He muttered, fingers finding the worst of the messes. "There's blood in them too, yuck."

Vivi turned to him, taking a hold of both his hands in one of his, pulling him into range of the parchment and pushing him onto the bench, 'It's okay Turo,' Vivi wrote, still holding both his sons hands in his left one. 'They're not high on my list of priorities, getting myself better comes first, then I'll get back on track again, including my wings.' Turo nodded, pulling himself into his father for a hug.

A familiar clanking sound rang down the corridor to them; a host of panicked eyes went to Zidane, including his best friends. "It's probably too late for us to slip out now," The Genome admitted, with a shake of his head Vivi let out a soundless sigh. "It'll be fine, I'll explain it to him."

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AN: Discovered by a knight captain, another anxious meeting but things never really go well do they? Join us again for Forever Damaged chapter six - Relapse. 


	6. Relapse

Forever Damaged

Chapter six - Relapse

RTR:

Gelendra - (big grin) Your the only one to pull me up on it. I decided not to write the transformation, I'm intending to throw in bits as I go along.

madmaz - Thank you very much, I'm glad your enjoying it.!

YamiTenshi14 - Wow, both in one go? Thank you! I hope your enjoying it.

Eika - Yes, Yes I am very evil.

Beastiewolf - I don't think there are any killings. I may be wrong though. Lol

AN: This chapter is a little bloody towards the end, consider yourself warned and therefore not allowed to complain.

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The captain of the knights of Pluto moved into their view, spotting Calan's familiar rune-marked blade opposite the cell he looked around quickly before looking into the cells, his mouth dropped open, working soundlessly. "Hi Rusty," Zidane greeted with a slightly sheepish smile, the wide eyed knight seemed unable to find his voice. "Don't panic, everything's okay, we're just talking."

Slowly, Vivi moved forwards, hands out at his sides slightly to prove his good intentions. "We all know what's wrong with him now, Vivi isn't going to let himself get angry," The Waltz shook his head to show he would not do so; the sharp gesture caused his head to swim, in turn making him stumble. On impulse he reached for the first available object to steady himself on, hand clasping on Sarah's shoulder; the young girl screamed and pulled away, causing Vivi to go down heavily, smashing his already broken wing against the bed.

There was a snap and Zidane was glad that Vivi did not have his voice because the resulting scream would have been ear-splitting; he writhed on the ground painfully, clearly in agony due to the new break to his wing. Valian was at his side in seconds, calling up a cure spell in order to heal his father but was pushed over backwards by him. "Let him heal it," Zidane said as he moved to help Valian up, he knew that Vivi had not meant to push his son so hard that he fell over; Vivi shook his head. "You're upsetting your son," The Genome pointed out, drawing rich yellow eyes up to where the Valian stood, tears breaking into his crystal blue eyes. "I know you feel you deserve all the pain your in Vivi and for a little while yesterday I agreed with you but today you've been just like I remember you."

The Waltz stood shakily, making to go for his writing stuff, "Esuna," A gentle voice breathed from one side, drawing everyone's eyes to Sarah. "I've had enough of imagining what your saying," She claimed, sounding a lot like Eiko had when the companions had journeyed together. She refused to move any closer to Vivi, keeping both her father and Calan between the two at all times.

"Princess Sarah, you should not have done such an irresponsible thing," Steiner's shocked tones broke into the startled silence that had fallen. Vivi ran a hand over his throat, "There is no way of telling when Vivi might turn again." Zidane noticed that the knight still did not refer to Vivi with the honorific of master and on some level he knew it would be a long time before Steiner could do that again.

There was a crackling cough as Vivi cleared his silence constricted throat, it had been a little over a week since he had last spoken. "I … agree with Captain Steiner," He sounded as if he were in pain, coughing once again into his scarlet gloved hand. "I really appreciate the chance to speak again but I'm still dangerous, even if I seem better." He looked towards Valian, holding out his arms to his son, Valian was soon hugging his father. "I'm sorry I shoved you Val,"

"Please let me heal your wing,"

Vivi pulled away from him, holding him by both arms, looking him directly in the eyes so intensely that Valian had to drop his gaze. "Valian, look at me please," He instructed and teen did so. "What am I, Val?" He queried rhetorically, he knew that Valian would say something other then the answer the Waltz wanted. "I'm a Black Waltz and over that, now I'm a berserker too. Knowing I'm hurt keeps me calm and grounded, I'm less dangerous because I can't fly."

Valian ducked his head once again, prompting Vivi to gently push it up by the chin, "I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to hit you so hard that you bleed again; don't make me feel like I should be healed." Tears met his tones, and mentally Vivi re-lived the time he had struck his youngest son, his mind remembering the flecks of blood on the silver-grey jacket; pulling Valian in for a hug, he managed to keep the tears at bay.

The younger mage tugged away from the embrace, rubbing his sleeve across his face to dry away tears. "B - But your bleeding and I don't wanna see you hurt dad," He ducked his head again, "I - It doesn't … I … You need to be healed no matter what you did," He decided on at last. "You didn't mean to hurt me or Sarah or anyone else and you were really sorry after you'd done it, all the Waltz just melted away and for a couple of days you were there properly." He shuffled his feet, sniffed and cleared his throat before going on. "I didn't mind being hit so much because the real you came back and stayed back for a long time."

Outside there was a wail, Laudo had been with Steiner to replace the existing guard, "Pull yourself together, you're a knight of Pluto!" Steiner commanded, in truth he had been touched by Valian's short speech too.

Vivi stood, shaking his head, "It shouldn't be like that." He insisted, his tones filled with forced calm. "Like this, like whatever it is!" Before he could even start a tirade, he took a deep shuddering breath, obviously trying to stop himself from growing angry. Trying and failing, Zidane realised as he watched the small spasms in Vivi's wings. "No healing, you need to silence me and get out." He admitted in a small voice, Zidane nodded, making a grab for the writing stuff; he squeezed Vivi's shoulder quickly.

A regretful and sorry smile met Valian's features as he stood ready to cast the spell, he did not want to silence his father but knew that he had to. Vivi nodded to him as the spell hit, descending into the back corner of the cell after he had made sure the knights were far enough away and that his sons had gone.

Ordinarily, Vivi found it hard to control his temper, but after a week of sleep deprivation he found it impossible; he paced to try and wear it off but a cold feeling welled in his chest. Vivi was scared, he realised that he could not stop the anger he felt; he had been the one to hurt his son, the son he had created and cared for so lovingly, the son he had almost killed himself for.

His eyes flashed with white as his specialised trance took hold, flickers of red trailing his body like serpents as he tried to find an outlet for his anger. The first target was his injured side, talons clawing through fabric and flesh alike but he did not feel it's pain. Next he tore up the blanket, more for the sake of violence then anything else; when this was done, he tried to find something else.

Crimson stained his talons and gloves, it stained a greater patch onto his coat and under this covering it seeped along his belt and down his trouser leg; with a soundless yell of sheer frustration, he slammed his fist into the wall.

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AN: this is why we don't leave me alone with Vivi! Lol.

Silenced, wounds kept for the sake of calm, can someone pursuade him to be healed? Find out in the next chapter 'An old Friend' 


	7. An Old friend

Title: Forever Damaged

Chapter 7: An old friend.

Note: I feel so lame for this taking so long but of late I've been so absorbed in RP that this has continually been waylaid and gradually just ... neglected. But yes, this is chapter 7 just in time for christmas - once again, PL's xmas post is not very xmas like but meh - I hope that you enjoy it.

RtR: (I'll try using the new reply system after this chapter.)

Shishio287 - I will indeed take a look at it (Nods) I just can't say when. Thank you for reading and enjoying this.

madmaz - Heh, just wait for the chapter with Ollan. (PL cackles innanely)

Beastiewolf - (Looks guilty) Find out what? I'm so very sorry this took me so long.

Gelendra - Tell me when you review if it is who you thought it was going to be.

Eika - Ahh wait and see.

malevalla - Vivi and Val are just far too alike.

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2 day later

Zidane sat outside the cell, Sarah was sitting in his lap with her head against his shoulder and Valian was sitting on the floor beside him with his head on the kings arm; as far as they could tell, Vivi was in a very deep sleep. A note from Steiner had detailed Vivi's hour long fit and recommended that they gave the waltz some time, the king had taken this advice and waited two days before deciding to see Vivi again, Sarah and Valian had followed him down. "He looks so helpless," Sarah murmured, shifting in her fathers lap so that she could look at Valian. "All curled up like that,"

As far as Zidane could see, Vivi had shattered his right hand and was unable to lay down due to the severity of his wounds; he slept sitting upright with his right side facing away from the wall so as not to lean on the broken wing. It was distressing for Zidane to see and he could only imagine the devastation it was causing in Valian's mind; the mage had been very quiet since they had got there. "Does it make you sad to see him like that Vally?" Since she had first met him at the age of four, Sarah had nicknamed him Vally because it was easier to say then his full name.

Valian nodded, his shimmering blue eyes not leaving his father, "Yeah, because I know I can help him and he doesn't want it." Zidane looked towards his best friends youngest son smiling sadly in response to what he was saying. He had tried to persuade Garnet to visit the waltz the night before, the two had rowed and that morning neither had said anything to one another.

The guard had told them that Vivi had not slept in the past two days, despite the concern of those charged to watch him, and he had hidden himself in the cells dark back corner until only an hour before. Zidane knew that Vivi had not slept properly for a long time before that, it seemed that not sleeping had finally caught up with him and he had collapsed out of sheer exhaustion. Yet, Zidane knew that even a sleep of utter exhaustion could not stop nightmares, and was not surprised when Vivi woke sharply; the Waltz panted as he tried to regain a sense of where he was.

It did not take him long to notice them and he stood shakily, hiding his right hand in his coat and using his wing to mask the bloody patch on his side. "Hey, we just wanted to come and check on you," Zidane offered. Valian moved to sit right outside the cell's door, Vivi crossed to sit opposite him, his wounded wings tip dragging along the ground. "You really should let Ellisa look at you," Zidane ventured, looking at Sarah rather then his friend.

Vivi shook his head, Sarah looked strait at him and Vivi smiled in reply, "But you're a mess!" She insisted, his listless eyes fell away from her vibrant blue ones. His wings draped down his back, rather then sitting neatly in place as they usually did and he sat hunched up. "And you smell funny."

"That'd be stale blood princess Sarah," A calm female voice offered from a bench a little way from where the girl sat with her father, only her legs were in the light and she stood, moving forwards. Ellisa crouched beside Valian, "Hello again, Vivi," She greeted, the two had had sporadic contact since he had been thirteen; whilst they were undeniably friends, Ellisa got the feeling that Vivi felt he still owed her something. "Valian asked me to come and take a look at your wounds," Vivi looked towards his son, who offered up a nervous smile and a shrug in return. "I can see why he was so upset now," Her hand moved to Valian's shoulder. "Will you at least let me look at you?"

"Please dad, your side's infected and you've shattered the bone in your hand."

"Plus that suppressant should be ready in a week," Ellisa encouraged with a smile, Nicara had charged her with working on the drug and she had done so religiously, keen to find a way to keep Vivi from going berserk again.

"C'mon Vivi, you can't stay hurt forever," Zidane prompted from one side, Vivi looked to him, gradually accepting this to be true; he could not rely on being hurt to keep him sane forever and it had not worked anyway. "Think of it this way Vivi, if your in here whilst you heal then you can control it." Zidane offered with a wide smile as Vivi looked towards him, why was it that Vivi's eyes now really unsettled him?

Deciding that Ellisa should at least have a look at his wounds, Vivi nodded and dutifully backed away from the cell door so that Ellisa and Valian could enter, Zidane remained outside with Sarah. "Come on then Val, lets have one of your specials," Ellisa encouraged only for Vivi to shake his head, he knew what Valian's signature spell was.

"Esuna,"

Vivi sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation, "I wish -" He coughed in an attempt to find his voice again, "- I wish at least someone here had listened to Captain Steiner, I'm dangerous!" He insisted painfully, "We were lucky I felt it last time and had the time to tell you all to leave." His tones were filled with desperation and exhaustion. "You know what I did when I was free, does anyone want a repeat of that?"

"No Vivi, your not going to do it again, you won't let yourself do it again."

"I didn't let myself the first time Zidane, I tried to stop myself."

A cold hand rested on Vivi's shoulder, Ellisa's hands had to be freezing for the Waltz to feel it through his jacket. "You can return to hating yourself when I've finished checking you over, especially that wing of yours." She scrutinised the wounded appendage for a while. "Breaking it twice I can understand but three times? Next time you should just take a mallet to it, you'd do less damage." That was Ellisa's way, exceptionally blunt with people; Ellisa always spoke her mind. "Sarah, can you take your dad and find me a lot a bandages?" The little princess nodded and ran up the steps, "Zidane, I'm going to need some splints and something to clean up this mess with too," She jerked her head in Vivi's direction, Zidane nodded and left to do so.

The Waltz stood silently to one side, he was slightly bent over his left side in order to try and relieve the pain he felt from the wound there. "Can you fold the wing?" She asked him, Vivi shook his head; it was painful enough for him to leave it open. "If we can set it then a short -"

"No healing magic," He murmured, "It'll take longer to heal if I have to do it properly." He unfurled his left wing, letting out a short breathy yelp as he did so, drawing it hastily back into his body. In a keen grab, Ellisa took hold of his left wing, yanking it out to it's full length; Vivi tried to pull away, flinching in pain. The violence of the tug split the weak scab on his side, causing him to let out a short sharp yelp.

Ellisa let his wing go with a shake of her head, "Sit down," She instructed; Zidane appeared outside the cell with a knight in tow, he grabbed a torch from a nearby wall bracket and entered the cell. "Thanks, can you hold that torch for us?" Her keen eyes turned on Vivi and she fixed him with a hard look, "Just a warning Vivi, I'm not scared of you getting angry at me, I'm going to look at your wounded side if it kills me. So sit down, now." Knowing of Ellisa's ability to make him sit down if she told him to, Vivi did so. "Coat and shirt off please,"

"I'd rather not," Came the small comment as Vivi clawed desperately at his coat, "I can leave it on but roll it off my side," Valian moved to his direct side, hand touching his fathers arm as he did so. "Don't you dare try and persuade me otherwise, Valian. You know full well that any one of you boys can ask just about anything of me and I'll do it." He looked away from his son, eyes lingering on the cold stone ground.

"Vivi, your youngest son is well on his way to becoming a great healer." Ellisa told him with a proud smile. "I'm the first to admit I had doubts about teaching him at first, he hated it but now I can't think of anyone else I trust more." Embarrassed, Valian looked off to one side, in almost exactly the same way that Vivi was. "He's not going to tell anyone and I'm going to need his help. I don't need to tell you how dangerous infection is, so coat and shirt off."

Due to his side and broken wing, removing the heavy coat was difficult but with a little help from Zidane, Vivi managed to do so. The cream coloured undershirt was stained far more obviously then the thick dark navy of his jacket; there was no way this could be removed, so it was cut off and one of the knights was sent in search of a fresh one.

In a desperate attempt to mask his body, Vivi brought his left wing forwards yet this did not stop Zidane from noticing that most of the inky black of Vivi's skin was marked by scars, some dating back to when Vivi had been nine years old. To Zidane, the most obvious of these marked his arms, especially the one that ran across his wrist from when he had been 13. Yet as Vivi's wing moved slightly, these old scars were forgotten; a violent, vicious wound marked his side, stretching from his front to his back. The area was clearly infected and would need to be cleaned before Ellisa bound it; the healer probed the space around the wound to prompt a yelp from Vivi as the waltz strove to pull away.

"Well, we can safely say that's infected; any idea what caused it?"

Yellow eyes drifted up to Zidane for a moment before the waltz shook his head, "I do," Zidane offered, his tail lashing from side to side as he realised that this horrible wound had been his doing. In a frenetic attempt to stop the monster that was destroying his family, Zidane had snatched up the first available weapon, the dagger from which Dagger had chosen her name. "It's the ceremonial dagger that Queen Garnet chose her journey name from, it's pretty rusty." He admitted, using his left foot to scratch the back of his other leg. "I didn't think I'd hit him, he didn't show it."

Vivi looked up at Zidane, "I didn't feel it," He told them simply, leading Ellisa to deduce that Vivi had been driven by raw anger and adrenaline. "You didn't have a choice, Zidane. I don't blame you for it," Zidane could sense his small sad smile, "This is nothing in comparison to all the people that I hurt."

Valian's distressed blue eyes drifted up to Zidane, the last thing he wanted was to hear his father talk in such a negative way. "You didn't choose to hurt anyone," An unexpected voice said, drawing all their eyes to where Ellisa was soaking some cloths to bathe Vivi's wounds before she could bind them. "I don't think you've ever really chosen to hurt anyone, unfortunately you now have this berserker thing to cope with and I know better then anyone that sometimes you get really tired of fighting." He ducked his gaze to one side and Ellisa left it, she appreciated when he felt the need to be quiet.

Forcing himself to remain in place as Valian and Ellisa worked on cleaning his side, Vivi gritted his teeth but could not stop the occasional yelp or whimper that passed his lips. "W - What about these three?" Valian asked, referring to three savage tears on his father's side as he touched it.

"They're self-inflicted."

The young white mage looked up towards his teacher, who was finishing off tidying Vivi's wound. "Bind this up for me Val," She instructed as she turned her attention on his wing. Valian did as he was told, unwinding the white bandage around his fathers slender waist, Vivi found himself watching with a proud smile on his lips. Valian worked with a quick precision of someone who had been binding wounds for a long time and he was very good at it.

When he had been bound, Ellisa set to work on his wing more completely; straitening it out and splinting it, she used as much care as she could but moving the broken bones caused him to yelp. Soon the two segments were wrapped in bandages that ruffled his wings in places, the bones held in place by splints and such. "Well there, you're nothing to look at but you never really were," Ellisa teased, having always been someone who found it hard not to say what she was thinking. "Me and Val have some work to do, so we'll see you later."

She and Valian went to leave, the younger white mage carrying the materials they had used. "I have to be silenced first," Vivi reminded them, looking at his son. "Val, please?" Valian nodded, setting down his things so that he could cast the chosen spell. Smiling at Valian, Vivi nodded his head and tapped the point over his heart.

Watching the two leave, Zidane lent against the wall, "Heh," He chuckled slightly, drawing Vivi's eyes in his direction; Zidane looked to him with a smile. "You've got such great kids, I was just wondering how Sarah'll turn out when she's Valian's age," He offered. "Or if she'll have a younger brother or sister to watch out for." Vivi held up a finger, "One day huh?" Zidane queried and Vivi nodded, smiling at his friend. "Yeah, I hope so, it'd be nice to have another kid running around the place."

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AN: I don't know how long this next chapter will take, I certainly hope that it isn't very long.

A meeting with a mother whose daughter was the prey, will Vivi be able to cope with seeing Queen Garnet again? Find out in Chapter 8: Mother's conscience. 


	8. Mother's Conscience

Forever Damaged Chapter Eight - Mother's Conscience

AN: There is no excuse for how long this has taken, I apologise.

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Vivi woke with a soundless yell, breath catching in his throat as he did so; Haagen startled and looked into the cell before seeing it was just a nightmare and settling back down again. Now it had been a month since his first episode, Steiner had decreased the number of guards to only one because Vivi's attacks had not since been aimed at anyone save himself. Vivi raised his knees, lowering his head onto them as he tried to drive the nightmare from his mind; he had not slept well at all but every time he snatched a moment it got a little longer and he felt a little better when he woke.

Having read up about the suppressant drug Nicara had asked her to make, Ellisa had taken Vivi the idea of something far more useful; a kind of tablet that could be taken when he started to get angry. Finding this a more practical solution, Vivi had agreed near instantly even though this meant longer in the cells. He lay back down again with a sigh, resting an arm over his eyes, "You alright?" Haagen queried, Vivi moved his arm, looking towards the knight before standing up.

The Waltz moved to the cells front with a nod of his head, "If you say so." Haagen sounded sceptical; most of the knights seemed to get on with Vivi and nearly all of them agreed that he should be freed after so long without even the hint in his behaviour that he could go berserk. "Fancy a game of something? I know you don't sleep after that." Vivi looked at him curiously and Haagen grinned.

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A very bizarre sight met Garnet's eyes when she entered the dungeons; Haagen sat cross legged in front of one of the cells doors with a Tetra master grid lighting the air before him. A clawed hand set a card into the grid, changing the cards nearest it. "Heh, you're pretty good at this you know." The Knight offered as Vivi claimed a card from his hand.

Vivi's things had been taken from him when he had been incarcerated, leading Garnet to postulate that Haagen had returned the cards to the Waltz for the game. "You going to try sleeping again now?" Haagen queried, Garnet could not see Vivi's response. "Alright, a few more then? We'd better stop before the Captain gets here." He laughed, "Is that the thank you gesture? You've made so many of them I can't remember which is which."

A bandaged hand reached for his own cards; Garnet knew that Vivi's badly shattered hand was his only remaining cut, his side had healed near fully already. Zidane had been sure to keep her updated of Vivi's condition as she tried to find the strength to forgive him for what he had done. She took a step forwards, drawing Haagen's gaze.

The knight shot to his feet, snapping a salute and the shadowed figure inside the cell forced himself up. "At ease," Garnet instructed, Haagen stood down before being dismissed to the other side of the dungeon. Lethargic yellow eyes held Garnet's brown ones for a little while before Vivi flopped to the ground, unable to stand. Garnet pushed an Echo Screen at him but Vivi shook his head, "We need to talk Vivi." She insisted.

With a sigh, Vivi took it from her, downing it in one. "You know what we need to talk about, don't you?" Vivi nodded his head, looking at his cards. She sat on the cold hard ground near to where Vivi sat, "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, I needed to find my courage." She admitted, drawing his eyes for a few moments.

"I understand," His usually painfully quiet tones were muffled by a high collar. "I … don't think I could be so brave." He lowered his head back to his cards again.

There was a lengthy pause between them as both struggled with things to say; with a little sound of remembrance, Garnet fumbled in her pocket from something before pulling out a slender silver box. "Ellisa made these, she said that they should work." She passed them to him between the bars, "She said that you should take them only when you start to feel angry, not before or they won't work." Vivi took them from her, slipping them into one of his many hidden pockets. Garnet shivered slightly, rubbing her arms. "It's cold in here."

"I didn't notice," He admitted, flicking the edge of one of his cards with a talon. "I guess I got used to it," There was not even a hint of self pity to his words, just acceptance for what Garnet had felt necessary. "Maybe I noticed at first, but I've got a bigger problems then the cold to deal with." He stood, shakily his wings unfurled and Garnet noticed that they somehow seemed bigger then when she had last seen him.

Almost instantly, he was driven back to a sitting position, his head swimming from the slightly sudden movement. "Fetch Ellisa," Garnet instructed of Haagen in her best regal tones, he saluted and ran to do so. She found herself pacing anxiously, even if he had done something very disturbing and immoral, he was still one of the dearest friends she could have ever hoped for. Vivi leant against the cells barred door, his wing pushed against it as he drew his knees up and lent against them. "How long have you been like that?" She queried, drawing Vivi's lethargic yellow eyes.

Vivi shrugged slightly, "I don't know, since I first went berserk I think." He told her, wrapping his wings around himself. "I don't sleep, I get bad nightmares." He looked to her, their eyes locking for a long moment and Garnet felt a sharp stab of guilt for how long he had been incarcerated. "I deserve it, all of it, don't you dare feel sorry for me." He lowered his head back onto his knees, hiding himself near fully behind his wings.

"Vivi," Garnet attempted, she squatted by him, her fingers straying to stroke the rich midnight blue of his wings. Vivi found himself leaning towards this small comfort, wing reacting to the contact as he closed his eyes. "You there," She commanded of a guard who was on duty in the dungeon, "Open this door."

The knight fumbled with his keys before opening the door for her, Garnet was soon at Vivi's direct side, "I can't leave you down here any more," She revealed, holding out her hand to him. Vivi shook his head, he was not sure he wanted to be freed yet. "Please Vivi, let me make this gesture," With a sigh he took her hand, letting her pull him up.

As she held his arm around her neck, Garnet noticed that he was shockingly light, his footfalls uncertain as she helped him up. Their pace was slow, but Garnet had soon guided him to one of the nearest guest rooms; having spent so long in the dark, Vivi took a long time to adjust to the brightness of the castles lights, his eyes aching painfully for a time before he could get used to it. He shivered against Garnet, his whole form quivering with the effort of walking after so long sitting in a cell.

Once in the guest room, Garnet let him sit on the bed; with a sigh, Vivi did so, trying to remember the last time he had had a soft mattress to melt into. He was vaguely aware of Garnet moving to ring the service bell, "A - Are you going to silence me again?" He asked in a small voice, unsure as to whether he wanted his voice or not.

She turned towards him with a wry smile, "No, I think you'll be quite alright as you are," She offered, she was trying to seem more at ease then she was and Vivi knew that; much like Sarah it was clear that Garnet did not want to be too close to him, despite having helped him from the cell. "You have Ellisa's medication too,"

A knight appeared at the door, which Garnet had left open, he snapped a salute to Garnet. "I need you to fetch Quina with a small meal." She instructed, the knight saluted again before leaving. "Vivi, I need you to assure me that you won't go near Sarah yet," The voice trembled slightly, this was a mother speaking, not Queen Garnet or one of Vivi's dearest friends, as such the Waltz knew not to argue.

He looked towards her, yellow coloured, oval eyes lingering on her brown ones. "I'm not going to make her do anything that she doesn't want to," He told her, his throat still sounded scratchy and ill-used and it hurt to talk but he had to say this to her. "Zidane's already told me he'll break my wings if I hurt her, but I somehow suspect he means to do far worse to me." Vivi looked at his still damaged hand which he held in his lap. "I'd rather kill myself then hurt her again."

He felt the bed move as she sat besides him, her hand on his but he did not look up. "I know," She told him. "Does it still hurt?" He took a little while to realise she meant his hand and shook his head impulsively before realising it actually did and had since he had done it.

"How can you show me concern?" He asked of her, head still bowed.

"Because I know that you'd never do anything like that to my daughter on purpose, I know you'd never scar your sons like that."

The door, which the knight had closed behind himself, flew open. "Aiiieeee!" Quina virtually squealed, crossing to Vivi as Garnet withdrew her hand. "Quina so glad see Vivi!" S/he announced, holding out its arms. "Quina want hug," And as usual, Quina did exactly what s/he wanted to, wrapping it's thick arms around the Waltz. "Aiee, Vivi so slim, Quina have feed up." Releasing Vivi, s/he nodded it's head vigorously.

The utterly baffled young adult sat back down on the bed, suddenly conscious of his dishevelled appearance and the smell of blood that lingered on him. "I bring toast and tea, Quina think mage no can eat more then that yet." The Gourmand bustled outside to where s/he had left a dining cart and carried in a tray with the said items on it.

A tap sounded on the door and Garnet called entry; tired turquoise eyes went strait to Vivi, holding a look that plainly said 'I should have known it would be you'. She bowed to Garnet, "I trust that Master Orunitia is my patient," She said, moving to crouch before the Waltz. "What seems to be the problem?"

Garnet quickly detailed what she had seen, the Waltz offering up little in way of assistance with this; Ellisa stood, listening whilst occasionally nodding her head with her arms crossed. "It certainly sounds like Vivi is fatigued and malnourished," She venture at length, "Of course, Vivi can't eat until he resolves whatever issues led him to throwing up so frequently."

"Who told you that?" Vivi asked of her, Garnet knew nothing of this particular occurrence; with a wink, Ellisa tapped the side of her nose. "It was Valian, wasn't it?"

She chuckled slightly at him, not answering the question. "My recommendation is that Vivi talks to someone about what's wrong, combined with a good bed, a decent nights sleep and the tea Quina's so lovingly prepared." She suggested with a smile. "The last two of which I recommend he starts immediately, a bath wouldn't go amiss tomorrow morning either." She smiled once again, "I shall conduct a fuller examination tomorrow, but now I sense that Vivi needs some rest."

The small company bustled out, leaving Vivi alone; the Waltz looked around the room, his eyes lingering on every surface before going to the tray. With a half hearted sigh he moved towards it, taking a piece of unbuttered toast and sticking it in his mouth to chew on one corner; it felt gritty, painful against his dry, scratchy throat. He poured himself a cup of tea, foregoing the sugar that he would usually add to it, he drank it black; it felt good to drink something hot for a change but it aggravated his throat almost as badly as the toast had.

This done he curled up on the bed, neglecting to crawl under the covers; it felt good to just lay on top of the clean sheets, the comforting scents of castle life welling up around him as he lay there. Drawing in a deep breath through his nose, Vivi sighed almost contentedly to himself; even if freedom was just this one night, it would be worth it. He knew Garnet would have him sent back to the dudgeons come morning and was prepared for it; he would gladly spend a huge amount of time in the cells if it meant another night on a soft feathery bed.

FDFDFD

AN: I wish I knew what was in the next chapter .  
Kidding, I do know.

Find out next time in 'Forever Damaged.' 


	9. Waking and Summons

Forever Damaged Chapter Nine - Waking and summons

AN: I apologise for my absence again. I know it's unacceptable but now I present for you the next chapter.

Response to Reviewers - Because I'm being lazy:

Beastiewolf - Thank you very much, you're making my blush.

Melesse.spirit - Thank you, such wonderful praise

Eika - I like you! Lol.

Katsumeragi1313 - Aww thanks, I'm sorry this took me a while. I wanted to get it right.

NeoNaoNeo - Hehe, since I started RPing as Three, I came to appreciate the sheer goodness in writing them.

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A harsh tapping on the door of the guest room woke Vivi, who groaned and rolled onto his side, 'Go away,' He moaned inwardly, if this would be his only morning waking up on a soft bed he certainly intended to make the most of it; to his mind this had meant a nice lie in come morning. Of course, it now seemed this would fail to happen and Vivi would have to cope with being woken; he rolled onto his back, watching the ceiling for a while before calling for entry.

A dusty haired figure had soon seated himself on the bottom of the bed, hair tied with a plain blue denim band. "Morning," Zidane said as if nothing had ever happened. "Ellisa said to come make sure you bathe before she has to check you over, I think she means for me to manhandle you into doing it if you refuse to do so."

"It's alright, I'll bathe on my own," Vivi offered, not wanting Zidane to force this on him. "Is she going to let me see the boys?"

"Well, sure it's not like she can stop you," Zidane replied with a shrug. "Unless there's something you're not telling us all about Ellisa and you." He raised on eyebrow in a suggestive way. Vivi chuckled and shook his head, throwing back his covers - which he had obviously wiggled under in his sleep - and getting out of bed in order to bathe. "Here," He tossed the Waltz some clean clothes, "Take your time,"

As his friend got clean, Zidane went about sending a knight in search of the Orunitia boys; since Vivi's attack, they had all been relieved of their castle duties except Valian, whom Ellisa simply would not surrender for that amount of time. They were all often in the castle; Sola was in the castles employ as a Black Mage, Nicara was often there to use the library, Ollan the music rooms. Turo was there almost as much as the knight Calan, since he was training to be a chef and Valian's duties took him all over Alexandria.

Prior to his first berserker attack, Vivi had been under Zidane's direct employ; the king of Alexandria was notoriously bad with paper work and needed someone else to do it. Of course, he severely doubted Garnet would allow him to return to this.

As he slipped into the warm water, Vivi sighed, clutching at the back of his neck as he crept further down into the bath. He stared up at ceiling, the same feeling of awareness gripping his mind as he realised he would end up in the dungeons again. The longer he soaked, the more aware Vivi became of the fact that he did not mind this eventuality; he turned his attention on drenching his wings before emerging from the water, quickly changing he moved back to where Zidane stood.

The Genome stood by the window, looking outside at the bluster of an late winters day; Vivi had been incarcerated over Yule, something that had sat very heavily with his sons. Even Sola had been incapable of cracking a smile and try as they might, none of them could celebrate; hopefully now things would be different, with Vivi free again the boys could try to come with terms with this new development.

Hearing a rustle behind him, Zidane turned to face Vivi; clothed again in the familiar blue trench coat and plain white trousers, Zidane found it difficult to associate Vivi with the person who had been in the cells. However, a suggestion of his former incarceration lingered in how sickeningly slim the former mage now was; Ellisa had been right, Vivi would need to talk through his problems but the waltz was absurdly hard to talk to when he felt something he had to say would hurt someone else somehow.

With a gusty sigh, Zidane graced Vivi with a wide smile but did not say anything; feeling a bit suspicious, Vivi moved to his side. "G - Garnet's going to make me go back, isn't she?" Vivi asked in a small voice, the stammer he had lost some time ago back as he did so.

Blue eyes lingered on yellow ones, "No idea," He admitted, "Garnet just had enough time to tell me you were out of the dungeons before I was here." He offered with another grin. "It's why I'm wearing this," He motioned what he wore, it was the plain garb he had favoured as a member of Tantalus, something that Garnet did not particularly like him wearing whilst around the castle. Usually, the Genome wore something more formal and uncomfortable; Vivi too had had to suffer a costume change when Garnet had realised he was working in the castle.

Silence fell between them as Vivi flapped his wings a few times in an attempt to free water from the silken quills. A tap at the door sounded and with a grin to himself, Zidane moved to open it; Valian pushed strait past him and rushed to hug his father. The startled waltz returned the hug, looking up towards his other sons.

Calan stood at the rear of the group, dressed in the armour of a castle knight with his sword at his hip, clearly ready to stand duty after visiting his father. Sola was, as usual, dressed to impress; his slender form decked in colours to draw out his eyes, his tail lashing near his ankles. Nicara and Ollan both seemed ready to begin their preferred study, and Turo was apparently ready to help Nicara. Valian too was ready for his usual work and Vivi was glad to see that his incarceration had not stopped them from going about their usual routines.

Not a lot was said, but Zidane could sense the great levels of relief from all seven; he too wondered if Garnet would be forced to put Vivi back in the dungeons. Watching as Vivi ruffled Turo's hair and reached for Sola's, the Genome chuckled to himself. "No, not the hair," Sola insisted, pulling out of reach. "I might be glad to see you again but I'm not that glad." He obviously did not mean this and it prompted a laugh from Vivi as the Waltz got another hug from Valian.

Ollan and Calan lingered in an almost detached manner to one side; Zidane had noticed a form of melancholy lingering around the musician of late and desperately hoped this did not mean he was as unstable and unhappy as Vivi had been at thirteen. No one wanted for any of the boys to follow Vivi down that dangerous path and until recently there had not been any cause to do so; but Ollan had always been something of an outsider.

As Nicara's twin, he was naturally close to him but at the same time there was not really anyone Ollan would choose to talk to. Most of the others has someone other then their immediate family that they could talk to but the castle was rather devoid of other musicians and none of them came anywhere close to Ollan.

Of course, now the boys were at rather awkward ages; Calan was already eighteen and Valian was fourteen. As so far Vivi had been really lucky with them, they had all been rather well behaved and besides one incident with Sola they had managed to avoid the wrongs of drink but this was always susceptible to change.

Soon Vivi was sitting on the bed due to the persuasion of his youngest son; Valian had seemed rather worried that Vivi would fall down unless he sat. Zidane moved to Vivi's side with some hot fruit juice Quina had given him to give to Vivi; the Gourmand had quickly realised that the Waltz needed something to help him recover his voice fully.

There was a tap on the door and Calan moved to fetch a note from the herald before moving back to his father. Curiously, Vivi slipped one finger under the wax seal to open it; his yellow eyes drifted down the neatly written page:

Master V. Orunitia Formally Black Mage of Queen's Court.  
This letter is a court summons for today at eleven o clock exactly. Failure to heed this summons will result in a 1000 gil fine and a mandatory jail sentence of 5 days.

"Talk about heavy handed," Zidane commented from over his shoulder, "She could have just asked."

Bright yellow eyes lingered on the letter and Vivi nodded to himself thoughtfully, "It's alright," He mumbled. "I guess I have to do this today," Zidane could hear from his voice that Vivi just wanted to enjoy being in a normal room in the company of his sons; he gritted his teeth slightly and looked to one side, hating that Garnet had to be so official all the time. "Maybe she'll let me stay in a soft bed again if I'm well behaved,"

"No crazy berserker stuff," Sola threw in with a traditional flirty, cheeky wink.

Vivi chuckled in reply, an action that caught in his throat sharply and he started to cough violently; his throat was incredibly painful and he raised a hand to it. Valian looked towards him, blue eyes filled with concern, "I - I think there's some lozenges in the castles store room," He murmured as he headed out.

Dutifully, Calan pushed a cup of water into Vivi's grip; it was quite typical for the knight to be so logical. Taking it, Vivi sipped from it slowly, "Take it slowly Vivi," Zidane's voice threw in, "You're still recovering your voice." The former mage nodded, taking another slow sip from his glass. "If you want I can talk to Garnet, see if she'll speak to you tomorrow instead."

"It's alright," Came the almost whispered reply, making it quite clear that Vivi's throat was still very sore. "She can't be seen to make exceptions for me," His talon toyed over the edge of the glass, Vivi's yellow eyes lingering on that instead of Zidane or one of his sons. "I will go at eleven."

FDFDFD

AN: A summons for a former mage, what fate has Garnet chosen for Gaia's former hero? Find out next time. 


	10. Difficult Decisions

Forever Damaged - Chapter 10 - Difficult Decisions

Authors Note: I have no excuse for how long this took, I need a jolly hard kick in the backside. SBT.

Response to reviewers - Because I'm lazy

KatSumeragi1313 - Of course she can't keep him locked up, he's too pretty!

melesse.spirit - GOMEN NASSSSAAAIIII, I'm such a bad person, it took me forever to update, I apologise to the world. (I also apologise for this bad Fruits Basket impression ...)

Eika - This Vivi is ... 21 I think! Lol. I can't remember.

NeoNaoNeo - I have one somewhere about One ... no idea what I've done with it though.

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Undoubtedly a little daunted, Vivi walked towards the castles throne room, flanked on either side by a Knight of Pluto; admittedly, he was not quite as worried as he could have been since one of the knights was Laudo. Part of his mind could not help but observe that criminals always returned to the scene of the crime, just like he was doing right now.

It was hard to ignore the looks, hard appraisals from those who had been present during his first attack and Vivi was incredibly conscious of them. Part of him had known that this would be difficult, that whilst his sons and Zidane could look past it the regular castle goers and employees had no reason at all to trust him.

The herald outside the throne room looked as if he had been throttled when the three approached; his flushed face paled as he darted into the throne room. "Master Vivi Orunitia," He announced in a wavering voice as Vivi entered.

Just like he had hundreds of times before, Vivi dropped onto one knee before the throne, waiting to be told to stand. He could feel Steiner's hard gaze on the back of his neck and knew instinctively that the knight certainly did not respect him as much any more; it was sad that something that had happened through no fault of his own was pushing Vivi away from his friends. "You may stand," Garnet said in a regal tone of voice.

Vivi stood, keeping his head bowed; there was a long silence as Garnet tried to gather her words together, she knew she had to do this but honestly had no idea how to start. "Master Orunitia, you should be perfectly aware of why you are here," She decided upon at last, "Ordinarily, the sentence for the attempted assassination of any member of the royal family is death but I have it on good authority that you were not of your right mind at the time."

'No,' Vivi thought, 'I knew what I was doing, I knew that I was going to kill Sarah.' Nausea rose up his throat again but he clutched one hand into a fist and swallowed.

"The king has argued your case quite relentlessly," Garnet was saying when Vivi felt capable of hearing again. "And as such, I am turning all responsibility for your future actions into his hands." Startled into looking up, Vivi's eyes went to Garnet and he blinked a few times; was she really saying what he thought she was, that he needed some kind of mentor? That from this point his actions were considered the responsibility of another? "That is not to say that there will not be severe implications if you attack any member of the royal court, I have used all my talents to defend you thus far."

Nodding, Vivi looked at the ground again, "I appreciate that, your majesty," He replied in a small voice. "I shall try my best not to destroy the trust you all choose to place in me." With a wince, Vivi could hear his own voice failing; his throat was still recovering and what he had had to say had not been easy.

Sad brown eyes were watching him and Vivi realised there was something more to what Garnet had to say. "It was the courts decision that … until your recovery is more concrete, the boys should be moved to a more protected environment."

Yellow eyes shot wide as Vivi looked at her, he shook his head desperately, not believing what was being said in the least. Everything else he had, everything else he was he was willing to lose but the boys were certainly off limits. "I'm sorry, Vivi. I tried my best to explain what they meant to you but the court would not be swayed."

Utterly broken by the idea, Vivi dropped to his knees, head in his hands ; hiding his eyes as best he could. "No," He said in a small voice. "Anything but that, anything!" There was a beg to the broken comment that prompted Garnet to close her eyes and turn her head away.

Metal rang out on the marble floor, a gauntleted hand closing on Vivi's narrow forearm. "Get a hold of yourself," The knight instructed, "You are receiving judgement for a heinous crime," Vivi clenched his fists as tight as he could, talons digging into his palms as he did so.

"My crime didn't rob Garnet and Zidane of Sarah," Came the small comment back, "I know what I did, I live with that every day but I know it could have been worse." There was no anger to his voice and Steiner's hand went to the hilt of his sword; if the Waltz did not sound angry then it could well mean he had already gone berserk.

There was a tense silence as Vivi gathered himself together; he eventually picked himself up, eyes hidden as he shook himself free of Steiner's grip. "Are you even going to tell me where they're going?" He asked, his tones those of forced calm and Garnet knew the former mage was trying his level best to keep control of his temper.

Opening her eyes, Garnet stood from the throne and moved towards the Waltz; her arms soon wrapped around him as Steiner stood opened mouthed. "Officially no," She whispered so only Vivi would hear, "But as a friend I will tell you later, I'll send Ruby to meet you, alright?" She felt a grip on her hand, a yes on Vivi's behalf.

FDFDFD

The night was cold, a full pure moon hung in the air and ice was starting to glisten on leaves and blades of grass. Vivi crouched on a small wall by the river, looking out over the dark water; his wings were fluffed up to keep him warm and he hugged his knees into his chest for the same reason. Steiner had told him not to leave the castle but the waltz had been left in a room with a window; Steiner was a brilliant knight but Vivi sometimes wondered about his intelligence.

A figure approached him, her form wrapped in a cloak, "Hello Dahlin'," Ruby greeted, gracing him with a smile; her theatre was doing well, she now employed several actors and actresses, Lowell was still the star but now people came from all over the continent to see the shows he performed. "Lil' ol' Dagger told me I'd find ya here,"

Despite having lived with Tantalus for two years, Vivi had not become any better at decoding what Ruby was saying; he supposed there was a certain skill to it that he did not possess. "She said you could tell me where they'll be hiding the boys."

"Ya make it sound so dirty," Ruby replied, her eyes slightly surprised. "They're only doing what they think they should." She lent on the wall he crouched on, "Everyone up at the castle is paranoid ya'll go crazy again,"

He sighed, looking over the river again, "No more then I am," He replied. "I'm more aware then any of them,"

A sad smile crept up Ruby's features, "I didn't say I agreed with them, now did I?" She asked, drawing his eyes to a smile she graced him with. "I wouldn't be here if I thought ya'd go crazy." She reached into the front of her bustier and Vivi looked to one side. "What? It was the best place ta hide it!" Ruby defended, holding out the folded parchment to him. "If ya get caught with that, ya didn't get it from me, last thing I want is ta have them take the theatre."

He took the sheet, "Thank you Ruby," He said softly, "I certainly won't tell them I got it from you." She reached up to gently brush his hidden cheek.

"Ya listen ta me dahlin', these people are the kinda people who don't live in the sorta world we do." She said, looking up into his eyes. "They're the sorta people who think hardship is not having a second helping at dinner; ya got more heart and soul in ya foot then they have between them." Ruby encouraged, "And ya ain't a kid any more, if ya want to scream at the bastards, no ones going to stop ya."

"Are you sure about that?" Vivi asked her, a small trace of humour to his words, "Screaming is the start of anger after all,"

"Yes it is Dahlin', it certainly is,"

She moved her hand from his cheek and turned to leave, "You be careful with that list now, ya hear?" She called over her shoulder, "I don't wanna hear ya've been locked in a cell again." Vivi nodded, watching the teal of her cloak fade into the dark of the Alexandrian night; he sighed, cradling the precious sheet of paper against himself.

FDFDFD

AN: So what will Vivi do with this very very important plain sheet of paper? Find out next time in FD. 


	11. A fight and a Laugh

Forever Damaged

Chapter Eleven: A fight and a Laugh

Author: Silverblacktears

Authors Note: Yes, I can hear you a saying it, where have you been? The simple answer is work, the demon that kills off so many people; the endless drudge that kills many peoples creativity. Yeah lame excuse huh?

Ignoring my incredible lameness for just one moment I have people to thank for their lovely reviews:-

Katsumeragi1313: Long awaiting was right (Sweatdrops)

Eika: (waves) Hey! Hehe, yes he will, he wants his sons back.

Melesse Spirit: Here be the next one.

Additional Note: Please enjoy this chapter! Comments, enquiries etc are as always appreciated. SBT.

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Back flipping out of the range of the sword, Zidane followed up with a second back flip before tossing a handful of Gil at his assailant; covering his face with a gauntleted forearm, Steiner advanced a few more steps and struck out at the king.

Vivi sighed gustily as he watched the two spar, utterly bored by their antics he waited all the same since the court had charged Steiner to watch him; secretly, Vivi was hoping this would be in his favour since he was willing to let Steiner train without running off.

"You're not even trying!" Zidane yelled at Steiner from where he perched in the rafters of the training room. "Come on Rusty, you're stronger then this."

Imploringly, Steiner looked at the Genome, "I am trying not to concern the Queen by wounding you in anyway." He insisted, "She has had a taxing time." This comment stung Vivi a little but he just remained crouched to one side; everyone had been through a lot because of him.

Zidane snorted, "Excuses, excuses," He yelled back, "You're just getting old and fat!" Teasingly, the Genome's tail brushed the air just out of Steiner's reach. "You can at least try, it's not like you'll actually hit me!" There was a whistle from the rafters, drawing Vivi's eyes to Zidane. "Back me up here Vivi, isn't Rusty getting fat?!"

"Why you …" Steiner launched a shock in Zidane's direction, the Genome leaping lithely to another support beam as it shattered the one he had been on.

Presently, Vivi was not allowed to cast any magic; the court had decided that this temptation should be removed from him but in truth there was little they could do to stop him. Most of the castles white mages refused to go near him and those who could refused to cast silence on him anyway, so the court had to trust that the Waltz would listen to them.

"Come down here and face me like a man you cowardly monkey,"

"Is that the best you've got?!"

There was a light thud as Zidane hit the ground, darting in to scratch Steiner's armour with on of his daggers, "You'll need bigger armour soon," He commented as he darted out of reach to toss another handful of coins at the knight. "That one looks tight,"

Zidane's plan to get Steiner mad was working and Vivi felt a slight pang of jealousy; he could not get angry, not unless he wanted to go berserk and he certainly did no wish for that to happen. With a shout, Steiner charged, Zidane brought his daggers up to meet the strike, leaping backwards before delivering a kick at the knights chest.

Lighting fast, Steiner grabbed the foot and pulled hard; with a yelp of shock Zidane hit the ground. "Oh hey Beatrix," Zidane said suddenly, Steiner released the foot and looked around, falling for Zidane's 'What's that?' technique. Smirking, Zidane lashed out with his daggers again.

With an angry sound, Steiner charged again; Zidane leapt out of the way just as Steiner called up another Shock. This technique missed by a good deal, flying past Zidane and crashing against a pile of armour and spears; with a deafening clatter these fell to the ground. "Ha!" Zidane cheered at this, distracted by the noise.

A gauntleted hand smashed against the kings side, sending him flying across the room and right into Vivi who had not been paying attention. "Ow," Zidane muttered, not realising the soft thing he had partially landed on was more pointy then it initially seemed.

Desperately trying to breathe, Vivi struggled against the Genome's weight, inadvertently clawing at Zidane's bare arm. Letting out a bark of shock at this - since he thought what he had landed on had been one of the training mats - Zidane leapt off Vivi. "Whoops, sorry Vivi." He apologised, rubbing a hand over the back of his bruised head.

Wide yellow eyes went to Zidane's arm and Vivi shook his head, "huh?" Zidane followed the gaze and cursed under his breath. To the court this wound would look deliberate, they would just assume that Vivi had once again lashed out at someone around him. "Rusty, get over here now!"

Remaining where he had come to rest against the wall, Vivi sighed heavily; this was not going to go well. Steiner moved to join them, he had seen the whole thing from where he had been standing but had not had time to warn the king. "What are we going to do?" The knight asked, offering Vivi a hand to his feet out of courtesy.

Taking the hand, Vivi picked himself up with Steiner's help. "I suppose I'm going to see the inside of a jail cell again," He muttered despondently, looking at his wounded hand. "I'm sorry Zidane,"

"What are you sorry for?" Zidane asked, "I landed on you, not the other way around, it wasn't your fault." He assured with a wide smile at his friend, he was trying to hide his own concern. "Here's what we'll do, Steiner will go and fetch Ellisa,"

"Will the Mage come?"

"Oh, she'll come, Valian will be with her …" Zidane winked at Vivi, clearly he did not mind blurting the locations of his friends sons. "Whoops, did I say that?" He pretended to catch the error a bit too late but in all honesty Steiner did not seem to mind. "Anyway, she'll come."

Steiner saluted and clanked out, leaving Vivi and Zidane alone, "Ruby gave you that thing, right?" Zidane asked vaguely, possibly out of fear of someone over hearing; Vivi nodded. "Good, Sola is going on a walk into town later today; he'll slip back in at ten tonight over the wall." Vivi blinked at his friend a few times before nodding his head slowly, "I can't do anything about getting you to see Nicara or Turo but I think I can get the others to see you at least once this week."

Vivi's shoulders shuddered as the feelings welled up in his thin form and he ducked his head. "I - I - I don't deserve your kindness Zidane," He spluttered, not looking up at his friend. "Not after … the crimes I committed."

There was a scoff from Zidane, "You know what I like to believe?" The Genome muttered and moved to sit to one side, a hand covering his bleeding arm. "I'd like to believe that you'd have stopped on your own eventually, that you're soul would have kicked in and you'd have taken yourself out rather then hurt her."

"I'd … like to think that too," Vivi whispered, even though he knew the truth; he knew that his Berserker self would happily maim the young girl but part of him did not want to believe it. He clenched his hand into a fist, trying to stop crying. "Yes, I want that to be so."

Letting his head hit the wall, Zidane allowed himself a small private smile, "And I want you to be my next child's Godfather too," He admitted, looking up as Vivi when he sensed the startled gaze on him. "What? You're a damned good Godfather," He beamed.

"Garnet is going to have another baby?"

"Huh?" Zidane looked at Vivi before shaking his head, "Not yet, we're talking about it,"

"Probably not the only thing you're doing about it," Vivi sniped before he could control himself and Zidane laughed fully; he had missed this banter with his friend. Since Vivi had matured - becoming a teenager and now a young adult - he had become more of a competition in these sessions and prior to his first attack, Zidane had found these sessions fun.

"Geez, I missed this," Zidane admitted, patting the ground besides him and Vivi moved to his side, sitting besides the Genome. "Funny isn't it? Of all the things I missed about you, it's these moments I missed the most." He smiled at Vivi who nodded slightly, "It's good to hear you say that."

Silence lapped between them but it was a comfortable silence rather then an awkward one; as friends they could tease, joke and speak deeply but they were just as capable of sitting in silence. "You know, I still remember you at nine?" Zidane half asked and half said, "I remember how clumsy you were and how deep." He looked towards Vivi again with a small smile, "Such a mystery,"

"At first, I thought you were a little bit creepy," Zidane admitted, Vivi looked startled at this, he had no idea Zidane had felt this. "Don't think it's the mage thing, it was more the … glowing eyes … okay it was the mage thing." Vivi gave a very small chuckle at this, "But then I got to know you, saw how brave you were and I wanted to be a good friend for you." Zidane looked out over the rather shattered training room, the beam Steiner had broken littered the ground. "It's a toss up between you and Blank as to who's my best friend."

"Thank you Zidane," Vivi murmured at length, looking down at his hands; he had lost most of his nervous traits when he had travelled with Tantalus but sometimes they all showed again. "Your friendship has always meant a lot to me; especially right now."

Lifting his head, Vivi looked at Zidane, who looked back with a smile; silence crept between them again. Zidane suddenly started to chuckle and Vivi looked to him again, "Do you remember when you came back from Tantalus?" Not even having to stretch his memory, Vivi nodded. "Everyone knew I just wanted to give you a hug but I forced myself to be strong because I'm a guy."

"And I hugged you," Vivi finished with a smile that Zidane could feel but not see, "Because I don't have those silly hold backs."

"Yeah, I've noticed, you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm glad you don't,"

The two shared a look and Zidane started to laugh, this was contagious and despite everything - despite the wounds he had suffered and how much he missed his sons - Vivi started to laugh too.

FDFDFD

Pausing outside the training room door, Valian allowed himself a small smile; Ellisa looked back when she had noticed her young assistant had stopped. "Valian?" She asked, wondering what had made him stop when he had previously been rushing towards the room with his father in.

"Listen," Valian murmured.

Wondering what he meant, Ellisa did as he asked and listened; she could just hear two people laughing and speaking. Ellisa smiled as she recognised the higher pitched laugh, "Zidane did it," She murmured. "He made him laugh again."

"It sounds good," Valian said softly.

Ellisa nodded her head in agreement, "It's been a long time since either of them has laughed like that," She offered; it was Valian's turn to nod. "I don't remember the last time your father laughed."

"I - It … was a long time ago," Valian murmured, looking down at the stone floor beneath his white booted feet. "He pretends to be happy, all the time." Ellisa could hear the familiar hitch in Valian's voice dictating sorrow; in her experience Valian was the most emotive of Vivi's sons. "Ever since his wings grew, dad hasn't been dad at all."

Crouching to look up under his fringe of Genome coloured blond hair, Ellisa smiled softly. "One could choose to think that now he might start being normal again," She offered. "The problem with your father is that he never tells anyone what he's thinking or feeling, he hides away his problems until they can't logically be dealt with." She stood again, "In that regard your father is an incredably foolish person."

His head jerked up sharply as she said this, and she patted him on the top of his head to stop him looking at her so angrily. "I don't mean it as your taking it," She assured him, thinking Valian thought she meant Vivi was this way all the time.

Shaking his head, Valian started to walk again; despite having a Genome's body, he reminded Ellisa a great deal of Vivi in the way he walked and spoke. "D - Do you think … Queen Garnet will let us go back to dad one day?" Valian asked of Ellisa in a small voice, looking down even as he walked.

"Of course she will," Ellisa said brightly, she beamed as he looked towards her. "You all want to go back right?" This prompted a big nod from the younger mage, "Then she can't stop you, Calan and Sola are adults after all."

"Yeah … Cal's eighteen already."

She overtook his slow pace and led the way into the training room; Zidane looked up as she entered and grinned widely. "Hey," He greeted waving at the pair. "Ellisa, can you come and heal this for me?"

The brown haired mage crossed to Zidane's side, crouching besides the king to examine his arm; Valian moved to sit on his fathers lap without a word. Happily, Vivi squeezed Valian against him, the young teenagers arms around his neck. "It's not a bad wound," Ellisa told Zidane simply, "Whatever made the wound -" Something to her words suggested she knew exactly what had caused the cuts, " - was clean, so it will heal easily."

She closed her eyes, holding her hand over the three cuts and calling up the green energy of a cure spell; in mere seconds the wounds had healed up and she opened her eyes. "There," She announced.

"I've got a bump on the back of my head too," Zidane announced.

"Well we'll let Valian heal this one then," Ellisa offered, keen for her young apprentice to use his skills.

Picking himself up from Vivi's lap, Valian stood besides Ellisa; Zidane turned around and presented the back of his head to the young mage. Holding both hands over the bump on the back of Zidane's head, a green light shone between Valian's hands as he cast the cure spell. "Wow," Zidane said softly, "You're good at this Val!"

"Of course he is," A surprising voice said from where Vivi was still seated on the ground, "He is heir to a great mages power after all." Zidane blinked at Vivi a few times, before Vivi started to giggle. "Gee, you believed me?" He giggled and suddenly all thoughts of Vivi being a berserker vanished from Zidane's mind; sitting on the floor next to him was the same nine year old he had taken under his wing.

FDFDFD

AN: Next time in 'Forever damaged', which son will Vivi sneakily visit? And who is this figure helping him to see each one? 


End file.
